


Dirty Dirty

by never_bloom_again



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Spencer Reid, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24675190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/never_bloom_again/pseuds/never_bloom_again
Summary: Spencer knows he could be good for Derek. If only he would open his eyes and see that too.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 16
Kudos: 179





	1. Spencer Reid.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Malavia_Azzura](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malavia_Azzura/gifts).



> Based of the song "Dirty Dirty" by Charlotte Cardin  
> I hope you enjoy! If anyone has any prompts they would like for me to write, just let me know :)

Reid had been perfectly happy just fantasizing about the dream life that he wanted to have with Morgan. He let himself think that anyway, but it didn’t take much for everything to all come tumbling down around him.

Derek had bullied Reid into going to a club with him and the girls, finally wearing down the resistance Spencer only ever showed to try and hide just how much he truly wanted to be with the older man.

They walked into a building that was far too loud for Spencer’s own tastes, with lights too bright, music turned up too high, and too many sweaty people crowding on the dance floor. And whilst that phased Spencer slightly, he continued on, willing to sacrifice his own comfort and ease to see Morgan look so happy, so carefree.

It was something he didn’t see enough of on his co-worker’s face, not with the reality of the job being what it was. Anger, focus, and carefully concealed sadness most often graced Derek’s face, so the change was a relief.

But Spencer had already noticed a change, before they had driven to the bar, before Spencer had even said yes to going.

Derek had been happier over the last few days, less on edge when on the most recent case, less bored when doing his paperwork. It seemed as though something else had taken over the forefront of his mind, the same way that thought of Morgan had taken over Spencer’s.

Spencer had always been acutely aware of his feelings for Morgan, from early on in his career in the BAU. It was just a fact of his life, something that he lived with, never speaking about it or acting on it, leaving those thoughts to himself, as company for lonely nights in bed, or just when he wanted to feel like his future was actually going somewhere, like he could have the family that he had dreamed of since he was young, a desire that had always been pushed back as unimportant compared to his academic pursuits.

And Reid knew the thoughts weren’t something he should have been having. He shouldn’t be thinking of his best friend in that way, it was dirty, wrong, but he couldn’t help himself. It wasn’t his fault that Morgan, despite generally coming off as a straight man, occasionally seemed to throw him hints, taking the flirting just a step too far to be friendly.

That didn’t make it easier when he looked up from the back of his friends’ heads which he had been following through the club, to see a woman sitting at the table to which they were headed. It didn’t make it hurt any less when Derek turned and grinned at him, Prentiss, JJ and Garcia, and began to introduce them to the vaguely familiar woman in front of them.

“Hey!” Derek called out, capturing the girl’s attention, “These are my friends, Emily, JJ, Penelope, and Spence. Guys, this is Alexa.”

At that moment, Spencer began to lose all focus on what was happening. He took a seat at the table, not trusting his legs to hold him up, and lost control to his mind.

Of course the woman looked familiar. All it took was the name and he knew exactly who he was looking at. Alexa Lisbon, the girl from his highschool who was behind the most humiliating moment of his life, the girl who came up with the master plan to tie a twelve year old boy up to a goalpost, naked, by tricking him into thinking that for once, something good was happening to him. The girl who he had named in a story that Morgan clearly hadn’t cared enough to remember. 

He looked at her, seeing that she hadn’t made the same connection that he had, hadn’t realised that the man standing in front of her was once the nerdy boy she had loved to torment. He looked at the way she had her head leaning against the crook of Derek’s neck as they stood side by side.

Spencer couldn’t help but wonder what Morgan saw in that… that bitch, that he didn’t see in Reid. Maybe she was closer to Derek’s age, was the one who wore designer clothing and had perfect hair, skin, and a gorgeous face, but surely Morgan wasn’t that superficial, could look past, see all the things that Spencer had and Alexa didn’t. 

He sat there, for what seemed like it was much longer than it realistically was. When he realised people were trying to talk to him, and he was just ignoring them, he hurriedly excused himself, leaving to his car under the guise of going to the bathroom. He would send Emily a message in a few minutes, but he was so uncomfortable there that escaping the discomfort won out over his need to be polite.

Crying in his car. Spencer had never been known for having interesting weekends or nights out, but this truly had to be an all time low. He was sitting in his small old car, crying over a man who chose a horrid girl over him, a man who had so much more to offer.

Contrary to popular belief, especially amongst the team, despite not being as stereotypically masculine as the rest of the men of the BAU, Spencer had never been one to wallow in his own misery, or be overly insecure. He knew his abilities, and had long ago accepted and understood his shortcomings. 

In a way, that made it harder for him to get over the Derek and Alexa thing. He knew he was better than her - more genuine, smarter, kinder, more professional, didn’t enjoy bringing harm on innocent young boys who just wanted to be liked. He could acknowledge that he wasn’t as typically beautiful as Alexa, but Derek had always referred to him as “Pretty Boy,” and surely that had to count for something.

He knew he didn’t have long before someone went looking for him, reminding him to text Emily - the one who was least likely to try and hunt him down, interrogate him. He wished he was strong enough to stay, to just prove to Derek what he was missing, but he wasn’t that type of person. He wasn’t the kind of person to go out and find another guy or girl to prove his point, so he was just stuck, jealousy burning inside himself.

With each tear that fell down his cheeks, his anger at the bitch in the club with his friends rose. It should be Spencer spending time with Derek, dating him, fucking him, cuddling him, loving him. Not a girl who cared more about what they looked like than if they cared for each other, if they were perfect together in the way that Morgan and Reid could be, would be.

So he was the one sitting alone, wishing that Derek would finally see who was right in front of him, had been, for all the years they had known each other.


	2. Chapter 2

Derek could tell something was wrong from the moment he had introduced Alexa. Spencer became guarded, closed, and his mind drifted to something else. 

At first, he couldn’t tell what had happened to cause it. He had expected his best friend to be happy that he had found a beautiful, kind woman to be with, but instead he seemed angry, even sad.

He tried his best to keep his focus on the conversation, playing the charming, happy boyfriend that he was supposed to be, had to be, in order to keep up appearances. But it felt odd, almost unnatural, especially when Spencer was ignoring them all when they tried to talk to him.

“Sorry, excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom,” was the first that they had heard from him all night beyond the initial exchange of ruched awkward pleasantries. Spencer raced off, out of sight, and Derek had to resist the strong urge to follow him, to make sure he was okay.

Because Spencer was his best friend. And no one would want a friend that close to go on feeling uncomfortable or out of place. It wasn’t right.

But it wasn’t right for him to up and leave for no real reason, either. Spencer had said he was going to the bathroom, and there was no real reason to suspect anything different, other than the pit of dis-ease growing in his stomach.

As the time ticked by, seemingly dragging on for as long as it could, Morgan grew increasingly restless, concerned for his Pretty Boy. A phone buzzed from its position on the table. When Emily flipped hers over to check, she saw a notification, reading it out to the rest of them.

“I am not feeling well, and I am going to go home. Don’t worry about me, have fun.”

Barring Alexa, they all turned to each other, concerned by being told not to worry. It was uncharacteristic for Spence to just up and leave, especially with just a text message, even if he was ill.

Unable to sit still and do nothing any longer, Morgan stood up. 

“I’m going to go and see if he has left yet. This isn’t like him, I’m a bit worried.”

Alexa looked up at him and pouted, getting on his nerves. Spencer would never do that, he thought, he would be too worried about the other person. It's so selfish of her, maybe she was just a pretty face.

Derek walked off towards the car park, wondering what the hell had happened to make Spencer so upset. He didn’t enjoy going to clubs, but he never reacted like that. So it had to be something to do with Alexa.

Nothing reasonable came to mind. It wasn’t like his Pretty Boy to be jealous, and judging off the women Derek had seen him with before, Alexa wasn’t even his type. It had to be something else then. Something personal, something serious enough to make him betray the manners that were usually important to him.

That was when everything began to click into place. His childhood. His Pretty Boy had been bullied and teased relentlessly, and he remembered Alexa telling him that she had grown up in Las Vegas. Oh shit, he thought. The case, where Owen Savage went around shooting people who had wronged him, when they had been alone in the boy’s room.

An Alexa Lisbon had been the one who had used herself as bait, in a situation ending up with Spencer tied naked to a goal post, left there for hours until some teacher had found him and untied him.

No wonder Spencer left, and it was his fault for being a stupid idiot who forgot about his best friend telling him one of the moments that would stick with him for the rest of his life, haunt him. 

Spencer’s car was still in the car park, and as much as Derek wanted to go and talk to him, apologise more than anyone would believe to be humanly possible, he wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do, or if it would just make things worse for Spence, a reminder of how much his supposed best friend had fucked up. 

Instead, he decided to walk back inside, a newfound sense of purpose taking over. He was breaking up with her, in front of everyone, because she deserved to feel the same humiliation she had brought upon Spencer, and if this did anything towards achieving that, he would be happy.

As he approached the table, glaring, JJ, Emily and Garcia looked shocked, and Alexa looked confused.

“How could you… you absolute bitch! I can’t believe I dated you, you are absolutely disgusting! How could anyone do that to a 12 year old boy? Get away from me, or I swear to god…”

A look of realisation dawned on all of their faces, although his colleagues still looked shocked, and slightly confused, whilst Alexa seemed to just get angry.

“That was Spencer Reid? Really? How could a man like you want anything to do with someone like him?”

Suddenly his team mates no longer looked concerned, instead just angry, ranging from pissed off to murderous.

Before Derek even had a chance to say anything, his Baby Girl stood up. 

“I think you are going to leave now, because you don’t want to know what is gonna happen to you otherwise. Maybe every computer and phone you have ever owned will stop working? How does that sound?”

Alexa recoiled, and began to walk away from the four angry FBI agents.

“Well this has been a night,” Emily said, “Is Spencer okay?”

Derek realised that he hadn’t even checked up on Spence, and became alarmed, hoping that he was still in his car outside the club.

“I didn’t get the chance to talk to him. I realised who she was, and then I came straight back in to get rid of her.”

The girls turned and looked at him like he was an idiot.

“Really Morgan? Go and check if he is still there! Talk to him.” JJ instructed.

Feeling rather reprimanded, he headed back out into the cold night, looking for Spencer’s car. To his luck, he found it, still parked where it had been earlier. 

He paused for a minute, unsure of what to say if he could get Spencer to talk to him, because a million apologies would not be enough to make up for what he had done.

Knocking on the window of the locked car, he prayed that Spencer would hear him. It hurt him to see his friend looking the way he did, his head in his hands, crying. When the first few knocks went unanswered and likely unheard, he tried again, louder.

That seemed to draw Spencer out of his own mind. He gestured for Morgan to go away, but he stood his ground. Derek wasn’t leaving his Pretty Boy in such a state.

Spencer finally relented after a few more minutes, very aware of how stubborn Derek could be when he wanted to.

Before the door was even fully open, before he was in the car, Derek was apologising. The remorse he felt could not be put into words.

“Spencer, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even realise who she was, but she is gone now, you can come back. I’m unbelievably sorry.”

Derek paused for a moment, expecting Spencer to say something back, but instead a silence enveloped the car.

As he opened his mouth to continue on his tirade of apologies, Spencer cut him off.

His voice was rough and unsteady as he spoke.

“What did you see in her?” He asked. 

The question took Derek by surprise, his mouth opening slightly as he struggled to come up with an answer.

“I mean it Derek, what did you see in her?”

Spencer no longer sounded quite so sad, insistence and anger controlling his voice.

Derek remained silent, as no words came to his head. It was something akin to vanity, but not quite. She was beautiful, yes, and they’d look good together, but it was largely a distraction from other things. Things that he didn’t want to feel. Things that he couldn’t come to terms with feeling.

“What does she have that I don’t, Morgan?” He recoiled at the use of his last name, “She’s prettier, I know that, but surely I’m smarter, kinder? I know I’m far from perfect, but I’m better than her, surely.”

Derek’s thoughts were racing through his head, and he could barely keep up with them. What did that mean? Did Spencer just want to prove that she was horrible, and he shouldn’t have dated her, or was he saying something else, something that meant maybe he could finally dig up the feelings he had attempted to bury years ago.

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be having these thoughts about you, that I have no right to be jealous, but it’s hard when you flaunt that you are dating a stupid bitch who I know I am better than!”

So Spencer did feel that way towards him. And he was right. As always. Derek would be better off with Spencer than with Alexa, or any of the other girls just like her that he had dated over the years. He just hated that it had taken hurting his friend to realise that.

“Why do you always have to be right Spencer? I am so sorry that I dated her, that I forgot what you told me, that I never connected the dots. I just saw a chance, a chance to make my life easier, by dating a woman, rather than ever even trying to get the person I actually want. And it hurt you. I’m sorry.”

“You should go back to the club. The girls are probably wondering where you are. I’m just going to head home.”

“No, Pretty Boy, come on. You should come back in. The girls are really worried about you. But before that, I want to try something. Tell me no, and I’ll stop, but I think we both want this.”

Derek slowly leaned in, giving Spencer plenty to back out, pull away, but their lips connected.

When they finally pulled away, a comfortable silence rested over the car.

“How about we head back in now, before the girls come looking for us,” Derek said, and they laughed, before leaving the car, and walking to the club again, this time, hand in hand.


End file.
